We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
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I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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