So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize