Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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