I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
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grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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