i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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