I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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