i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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