I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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