He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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