you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize