So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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