you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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