Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
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i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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