If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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