i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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