first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize