I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize