I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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