Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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