Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize