I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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