Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She said her name was "party"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
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i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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