She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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