I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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