I don't usually arrange sex via text message
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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