and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
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They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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