you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize