get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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