i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Text me some of your sweat
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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