I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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