A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize