She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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