just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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