You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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