I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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