turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
did i just pee glitter
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Two words: nipple clamps
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