i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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