I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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