Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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