Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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