Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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