Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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