I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
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some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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