Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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