im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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