i love accidental penises.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
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All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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