Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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