i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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