You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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