so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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